Saturday, April 30, 2011
I have to admit, I am crazy in love with baby #4 already. Just thinking about holding him in my arms those first moments is so sweet and precious. Each baby has their own special thing about them when they're born. Eden was adorably amazing at nursing, she surprised me. Canaan had thee most perfect head shape & just stared at me in our room. Judah had these big lips you just wanted to kiss. What will Zion (maybe) have? I get excited just thinking about it.
I often feel bad that I had all c-sections. I've always *wanted* to be the earthy home birth Mom, but it didn't work out that way for me. And in the same breath I thank God everyday for the emergency c section that saved my daughter from further danger when she was born. But as a woman, you sit and think of how your main job is to bear children and push them out into the world and somehow by having a c section, you've failed at your main objective as a woman. I don't write this for you to feel bad and tell me everything is going to be ok, I'm passed that now. I am just writing to share. You see, Eden was under distress in labor after being induced & in labor for 23 hours. I was pushing, she was crowning, but everytime I pushed, she went further back up, trying to come out my lungs :) Wrong way sweet girl! So they cut me open and took her out, taking with it some of my dignity. My next two were planned c sections since the hosptial and doctors wouldn't let me have a VBAC. Now with numero four, it's another c section. It's such a paradox, the way I feel about it all. It's only with Gods grace that Eden Grace was brought safely into the world, and by Gods grace, I continue to have children through my cut open uteris. I am thankful.
So Zion will come out on a set day in the first days of September (one of many good things about a c section). And I will hold him & thank God for his life, and mine. I thank God for each one of my gifts. They are all so precious. I like the picture above taken from my phone at the beach, there is space in the sand for more. I feel like no matter how many kids you have, there is always room to love another. God will bestow these blessings to you through many different ways, the old fashioned way, the cut open way, the adoption way, the foster way etc etc. His plan is perfect.