I love life



Life, it's a complicated beast, but I love it. I embrace it, all of it's ups and downs, heartaches and jubliations. I think you should too. What do I like about life? Hmmm, love, kids, air, storms, getting mail, having babies, reality tv, running (when not pregnant), good good wine (pregnant or otherwise), summer nights, the ocean air outside my window, friends that have come and gone throughout the years, I love it all!
People mistake me for not caring, stating, I'm "too laid back." This doesn't mean I don't care, it generally means things don't bother me, because I know God is in control. If you truly say you believe that God is in control, I think you should be laid back. Dare I say worrying is a sin? Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying cast all your inhibitions and cares out the window. There are still cares and concerns in life, but let's assess what's heavy and what's light and go from there. God is in control, really. I mean, do YOU want to be in control? Not me, usually things go down hill when I'm in control ;-)
One thing that's been on my mind lately, it seems like Christians (in general, not you persay) really love to praise God and speak about God's work in their lives when times are good. Why can't we praise God when times are bad, sorrowful, hard and just downright ugly? He is still there with us, He is walking us through the bad times, bringing us to our knees where we should always be. When we're on our knees, our pride is no where to be found, what do we have left when crying out to God about what is troubleing us? I really appreciate when people are on their knees, giving glory to the creator even when times are discouraging to say the least.
Anyways, just random thoughts again that I needed to type out....

My kids make me smile

I spent the week with my fabulous children, Eden 5, Canaan 3 & Judah 2. I was let in on their lives by sharing a room with them. It had advantages and disadvantages, but more advantages than not. One thing I LOVED was how they wake up in the morning. Canaan & Judah share a room so their wake up is different from Edens. Judah wakes first and lays in his bed saying, "Caannnnaaaannnnn....." he pauses. Canaan doesn't wake up right away. Then you hear some rustling after Judah has called for him a few times and you hear from the other bed, "Juuuudddahhhhhh....." and they go back and forth with animal noises that resemble birds and dog barking. This is how they wake up. and it makes me smile.

Eden has the sweetest spirit, she cares for her brothers deeply and is sad when they get hurt. She helps them get their toothpaste on their toothbrushes, gets an extra dessert for them from the dessert table, plays games with them, picks them up (which they love) & reads books to them.

and it makes me smile

Canaan hopes that when he grows up, he can be a train.

and that makes me smile.

Judah has a raspy voice.

and it makes me smile.

Eden makes me more cards than Hallmark has in their warehouse.

and it makes me smile.

She also called someone out at at the grocery store for buying too much of one product because it was a "waste of money."

and that made me smile. (sorry grocery store woman buying too many grapes)

They give me hugs, need me on a minute by minute basis & I couldn't ask for more. Well, one more I guess.

Babe #4 and other things

I have to admit, I am crazy in love with baby #4 already. Just thinking about holding him in my arms those first moments is so sweet and precious. Each baby has their own special thing about them when they're born. Eden was adorably amazing at nursing, she surprised me. Canaan had thee most perfect head shape & just stared at me in our room. Judah had these big lips you just wanted to kiss. What will Zion (maybe) have? I get excited just thinking about it.
I often feel bad that I had all c-sections. I've always *wanted* to be the earthy home birth Mom, but it didn't work out that way for me. And in the same breath I thank God everyday for the emergency c section that saved my daughter from further danger when she was born. But as a woman, you sit and think of how your main job is to bear children and push them out into the world and somehow by having a c section, you've failed at your main objective as a woman. I don't write this for you to feel bad and tell me everything is going to be ok, I'm passed that now. I am just writing to share. You see, Eden was under distress in labor after being induced & in labor for 23 hours. I was pushing, she was crowning, but everytime I pushed, she went further back up, trying to come out my lungs :) Wrong way sweet girl! So they cut me open and took her out, taking with it some of my dignity. My next two were planned c sections since the hosptial and doctors wouldn't let me have a VBAC. Now with numero four, it's another c section. It's such a paradox, the way I feel about it all. It's only with Gods grace that Eden Grace was brought safely into the world, and by Gods grace, I continue to have children through my cut open uteris. I am thankful.
So Zion will come out on a set day in the first days of September (one of many good things about a c section). And I will hold him & thank God for his life, and mine. I thank God for each one of my gifts. They are all so precious. I like the picture above taken from my phone at the beach, there is space in the sand for more. I feel like no matter how many kids you have, there is always room to love another. God will bestow these blessings to you through many different ways, the old fashioned way, the cut open way, the adoption way, the foster way etc etc. His plan is perfect.

Judah

Judah has been waking up VERY early, and I am talking 5am ish. This is not his normal wake up time, but for whatever reason he is waking up. It's pretty consistent too. I could be bitter at Judah, angry at him for his early call time in the morning, but instead I've tried to cherish this precious time with my youngest. How could I be mad at this face? So we wake up, cuddle on the couch for a minute, make coffee, eat toast and chat about the day. He's a good 5am buddy and I thank him for the time. Thank you God for the priveledge to take care of this image of yours.

Gratitude 51-75

• Judah in the morning
• Christmas lights
• Advent season
• Antique Christmas ornaments
• The mail (even though I think the US can get rid of mail service)
• Old houses
• Hot chocolate
• Weight Watchers
• Newborns
• Scarves
• A warmed up car on a cold cold night
• Being with Rob
• Homemade cookies
• Cookie dough
• Internet
• Texting
• Jeep Grand Wagoneers with fake wood on the side
• old Volvos
• The NYC skyline at night
• our new camera
• Capturing memories
• Making memories
• Christmas Eve with family
• Christmas Day with family
• Smurfs

Gratitude 26-50

• Good friends
• Mom & Dad
• Judah's hair
• Laughing
• Pulled pork
• Cell phones
• Happiness
• Love
• Hearing the waves late at night
• The Bible
• Pastamore
• A mini van
• Dumpster Diving
• Kindergarten Home Educating
• Email
• Facebook friends, all of them
• Old Friendships rekindled
• Joyfulness
• Pearl Jam
• Mindless TV shows
• Bunk Beds
• Thanksgiving
• Pumpkin ANYTHING
• Date nights
• Insanity

Weight, food, body image, God.

So why can't women be happy with the size that they are? I mean, I'm talking about skinny, thin, in shape women. These women can't wrap their minds around the fact that they're 5'6" and a size 6. You hear them say, "oh I'm so fat." I've been beginning to think that I've got a problem with body image, food and my attitudes towards them. What is wrong with being a size 8? Now, don't get me wrong, this blog is not written so that you can leave a comment like, "Stacey, you look great!" "Stacey, don't worry about it!" bleh. I want women to take a cold hard look at why we do the things we do. Why we eat half a carton of ice cream (oops, maybe that's just me!?). Why can we only tell women that have lost weight, "hey you look great!" They may look great in terms of our presuppositions on weight and heath, but perhaps they're 100lbs overweight... I think they can still look great. Of course I'm not promoting being unhealthy or obesity. But do you think telling someone that is overweight that they look great will trigger thoughts in their head like, "wow, I should just gain more weight!" No, I don't think so. Ok, I'm getting off track. What I want to know is, what is the lie that women are believing about their size 8 that they can't even be comfortable in it. Women are being deceived into thinking that super skinny is the norm. That super skinny is cute, that super skinny is the only way I can live happily. Life has started, it's not waiting for you to lose weight. Live your life at your current weight! Love, hug people, go to the beach. When we did get so wrapped up in what other people think? UGH! Being the Mom of a young daughter is scary, but one thing I try to impart to her is DON'T CARE WHAT OTHER PEOPLE SAY ABOUT YOU!! The earlier we can learn this lesson, the better. We need to find our worth in God.

How does God say we should live? Do everything for HIS glory, love others, die to self. This may mean that we put ourselves on the back burner, forever. Where does it say in the Bible that we are to put ourselves first? Where does it say, put others first, then make time for yourself? It doesn't!! It's hard in our culture to teach these truths. From TV, magazines, movies, friends, all over the place, we're told to put ourselves first, take care of YOU. We want attention, we want the glory, we want the money, we want to be the best. We want to be the skinniest, we want to know the most. ARGH. Stop, stop stop stop stop. Be kind, don't gossip, look out for others, go to church where you can receive God's blessings or even be used to be a blessing. Look around you, thank God for your life. And stop whining about your weight.

The End